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I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Wouldn
Humor
Comedy
Went
Shopping
Funny
Store
Nature
Specific
Anything
Stores
General

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I bought some powdered water, but I don’t know what to add.
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If you are killing time, are you damaging eternity?
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I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don’t know how I got there.
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I Xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra Xerox machine.
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How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
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I once tried to commit suicide by jumping off a building...I changed my mind at the last minute, so I just flipped over and landed on my feet. Two little kittens nearby saw what happened and one turns to the other and says, See, that's how it's done.
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
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I couldn't find the remote control to the remote control.
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When I was a kid I had a friend who worked in a radio station. Whenever we walked under a bridge, you couldn't hear what he said.
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In hindsight, I realized I could see into the future. Which is kind of like having premonitions of flashbacks.
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Hermits have no peer pressure.
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You know the old joke, I went to the fights and a hockey game broke out.
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Yesterday, my eyeglass prescription ran out.
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I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list.
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Did you sleep well? No, I made a couple of mistakes.
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While I was gone, somebody rearranged on the furniture in my bedroom. They put it in exactly the same place it was. When I told my roommate, he said: Do I know you?
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always remember your unique, just like everone else
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In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.
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I washed a sock. Then I put it in the dryer. When I took it out, it was gone.
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I wear a hat on stage so that people won't be blinded by the reflection from my head. Also, if I don't wear a hat, there's no way that the hat can be at that level by itself on the stage.
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