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I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Funny
Store
Nature
Specific
Anything
Stores
General
Wouldn
Humor
Comedy
Went
Shopping
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If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
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I had my coat hangers spayed.
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I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism to steal from many is research.
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I'm so hyper. (said with a very dull voice>
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Even snakes are afraid of snakes.
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The other night I came home late, and tried to unlock my house with my car keys. I started the house up. So, I drove it around for a while. I was speeding, and a cop pulled me over. He asked where I lived. I said, Right here, officer.
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If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?
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I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking,' but I don't have that much time.
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I'm used to seeing it, but it's weird having an Academy Award. You usually only see one of them on the TV show when they give them out, so it's kind of surreal to have one in your house.
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Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
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I feel very lucky to make a living from my imagination I'm very grateful for that. I like that what I do is create. I'm feeling very lucky to have had the career I had. It's gone much longer and bigger than I ever thought it would be.
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If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?
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Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
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It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself.
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Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
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It's a fine night to have an evening.
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I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
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I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'
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I'd like to sing you a song now about my old girlfriend. It's called They'll Find Her When the Leaves Blow Away 'Cause I'm Not Raking 'Til Spring.
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