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If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Wave
Summer
Saws
Humor
Comedy
Funny
August
Back
Heat
Would
Weather
More quotes by Steven Wright
I was watching the Superbowl with my 92 year old grandfather. The team scored a touchdown. They showed the instant replay. He thought they scored another one. I was gonna tell him, but I figured the game HE was watching was better.
Steven Wright
I thought I would be a guy on the radio.
Steven Wright
I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it.
Steven Wright
A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, 'Wish you were here.
Steven Wright
I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note. It's a start.
Steven Wright
I bought some powdered water, but I don’t know what to add.
Steven Wright
I'm kinda tired. I was up all night trying to round off infinity. Then I got bored and went out and painted passing lines on curved roads.
Steven Wright
I was arrested for lip-syncing karaoke.
Steven Wright
All the plants in my house are dead - I shot them last night. I was teasing them by watering them with ice cubes.
Steven Wright
When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?
Steven Wright
Does fuzzy logic tickle?
Steven Wright
I’m so tired... I was up all night trying to round off infinity.
Steven Wright
When I have a kid, I want to buy one of those strollers for twins. Then put the kid in and run around, looking frantic. When he gets older, I'd tell him he used to have a brother, but he didn't obey.
Steven Wright
My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.
Steven Wright
The other day I ... no wait, that wasn't me.
Steven Wright
I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'll use it.
Steven Wright
I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
Steven Wright
If I melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet?
Steven Wright
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
Steven Wright
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
Steven Wright
