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If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Summer
Saws
Humor
Comedy
Funny
August
Back
Heat
Would
Weather
Wave

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I hate it when my leg falls asleep. I know that means it's going to be up all night.
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If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?
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always remember your unique, just like everone else
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I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.
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Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
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I was born. When I was 23 I started telling jokes. Then I started going on television and doing films. That's still what I am doing. The end.
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When I was ten, my pa told me never to talk to strangers. We haven't spoken since.
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A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, 'Wish you were here.
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Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
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Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
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Whatever happened to preparations A through G?
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I don't like the sound of my phone ringing so I put my phone inside my fish tank. I can't hear it, but every time I get a call I see the fish go like this <<<>>><<>><<<<. I go down to the pet store and said, Give me another ten guppies, I got a lot of calls yesterday.
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I was arrested for lip-syncing karaoke.
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What a nice night for an evening.
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Women... can't live with 'em...... can't shoot 'em
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Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.
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I forgot and left the lighthouse on all night. Next day the sun wouldn't rise.
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I was always making my friends laugh but I never wanted the attention of the whole classroom.
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I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
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I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.
Steven Wright