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I like to reminisce with people I don't know.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Reminiscing
Humor
Funny
Like
People
Reminisce

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Hermits have no peer pressure.
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The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.
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I had my coat hangers spayed.
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I don't feel that I'm explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I'm not trying to be a mirror, showing them what's really going on the world. All I'm trying to do is think of stuff that's funny, just like when I'm kidding around with my friends.
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If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
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You know what scares me? When you have to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenic, just because she lives in your head.
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I wear my heart on my sleeve. I wear my liver on my pant leg.
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For my sister's 50th birthday, I sent her a singing mammogram.
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I washed a sock. Then I put it in the dryer. When I took it out, it was gone.
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I had a dream that all the babies prevented by the pill showed up. They were mad.
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I saw a sign: Rest Area 25 Miles. That's pretty big. Some people must be really tired.
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Whose cruel idea was it for the word “lisp” to have an “s” in it?
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I paint I draw and paint - I've been doing that since I was in third grade, drawing realistically and then changing to abstract art. That was my first creative thing before guitar or comedy.
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Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone...when I came back the entire area was missing.
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Is it possible to be totally partial?
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I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it.
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I was born. When I was 23 I started telling jokes. Then I started going on television and doing films. That's still what I am doing. The end.
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I went camping and borrowed a circus tent by mistake. I didn't notice until I got it set up. People complained because they couldn't see the lake.
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The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store . . . with a pricing gun. She said, Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store.
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I made a chocolate cake with white chocolate. Then I took it to a potluck. I stood in line for some cake. They said, Do you want white cake or chocolate cake? I said, yes.
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