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I like to reminisce with people I don't know.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
People
Reminisce
Reminiscing
Humor
Funny
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More quotes by Steven Wright
Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.
Steven Wright
I had amnesia once or twice.
Steven Wright
Why is it lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?
Steven Wright
Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone...when I came back the entire area was missing.
Steven Wright
I washed mud off of mud.
Steven Wright
I had a dream that all the babies prevented by the pill showed up. They were mad.
Steven Wright
I saw a sign: Rest Area 25 Miles. That's pretty big. Some people must be really tired.
Steven Wright
I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast.
Steven Wright
Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
Steven Wright
I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.
Steven Wright
Do fish get cramps after eating?
Steven Wright
Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
Steven Wright
I kept a diary right after I was born. Day 1: Tired from the move. Day 2: Everyone thinks I'm an idiot.
Steven Wright
Black holes result from God dividing the universe by zero.
Steven Wright
I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.
Steven Wright
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
Steven Wright
I recently went to the hardware store and I bought some used paint... it was in a shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included. So I had to buy them again.
Steven Wright
Real life? Well, I just hope mine isn't investigated. They might find that I don't really exist - that I'm just a hologram.
Steven Wright
I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose.
Steven Wright
I have not lost my mind - it's backed up on disk somewhere.
Steven Wright
