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I like to reminisce with people I don't know.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Reminisce
Reminiscing
Humor
Funny
Like
People

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back.
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I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.
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Do fish get cramps after eating?
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I was arrested for lip-syncing karaoke.
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I Xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra Xerox machine.
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Why do banks charge you a non-sufficient funds fee on money they already know you don't have?
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I got pulled over by a cop, and he said, 'do you know the speed limit here is 55 miles per hour?'. So I said, 'oh, that's OK, I'm not going that far.'
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Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
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I wear my heart on my sleeve. I wear my liver on my pant leg.
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A friend of mine is into Voodoo Acupuncture. You don't have to go. You'll just be walking down the street and . . . ooooohhhhhh, that's much better.
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I plugged my phone in where the blender used to be. I called someone. They went Aaaaahhhh...
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I had amnesia once or twice.
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My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.
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I have not lost my mind - it's backed up on disk somewhere.
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I once tried to commit suicide by jumping off a building...I changed my mind at the last minute, so I just flipped over and landed on my feet. Two little kittens nearby saw what happened and one turns to the other and says, See, that's how it's done.
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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism to steal from many is research.
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You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time.
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Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don't have film.
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I have two pairs of reading glasses. One pair is for reading fiction, the other for non-fiction. I've read the Bible twice wearing each pair, and it's the same.
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I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.
Steven Wright