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I like to reminisce with people I don't know.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
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People
Reminisce
Reminiscing
Humor
Funny
More quotes by Steven Wright
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
Steven Wright
I got a garage door opener. It can't close. Just open.
Steven Wright
How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
Steven Wright
I used to work at a health food store. I got fired for drinking straight Bosco on the job.
Steven Wright
The sun got confused about daylight savings time. It rose twice. Everything had two shadows.
Steven Wright
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
Steven Wright
I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it's like a circus in my head.
Steven Wright
I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking,' but I don't have that much time.
Steven Wright
When I was a kid I had a friend who worked in a radio station. Whenever we walked under a bridge, you couldn't hear what he said.
Steven Wright
Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
Steven Wright
I once tried to commit suicide by jumping off a building...I changed my mind at the last minute, so I just flipped over and landed on my feet. Two little kittens nearby saw what happened and one turns to the other and says, See, that's how it's done.
Steven Wright
I'm seeing the world partially through the eyes of a kid. Not all the time. There's no black and white to it. But sometimes I'm seeing it like I'm 4.
Steven Wright
Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?
Steven Wright
I'd like to sing you a song now about my old girlfriend. It's called They'll Find Her When the Leaves Blow Away 'Cause I'm Not Raking 'Til Spring.
Steven Wright
Is 'tired old cliché' one?
Steven Wright
My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
Steven Wright
I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
Steven Wright
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Steven Wright
I didn't tell any of my friends that I wanted to be a comedian, because I was superstitious. I thought if I told people, it wouldn't happen. So I kept it all in my head for years and years.
Steven Wright
I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.
Steven Wright