Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it.
Steven Wright
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
World
Perhaps
Humor
Fun
Comedy
Beaches
Seen
Largest
Funny
Collection
Keep
Collections
Nature
Beach
More quotes by Steven Wright
I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it.
Steven Wright
I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one out. Now my car goes 500 miles per hour. The harmonica sounds amazing.
Steven Wright
I got pulled over by a cop, and he said, 'do you know the speed limit here is 55 miles per hour?'. So I said, 'oh, that's OK, I'm not going that far.'
Steven Wright
Only one in four jokes ever works, and I still can't predict what people will laugh at.
Steven Wright
If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
Steven Wright
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
Steven Wright
I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.
Steven Wright
I always thought Johnny Carson was just brilliant, and I used to watch him and all the comics that would be on the show every night - and I'd dream about it being me.
Steven Wright
I couldn't find the remote control to the remote control.
Steven Wright
If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?
Steven Wright
I eat swiss cheese. But I only nibble on it. I make the holes bigger.
Steven Wright
Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as '4's'?
Steven Wright
It's a fine night to have an evening.
Steven Wright
What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?
Steven Wright
So I got off the plane and I forget to take off my seat-belt and I'm dragging the plane through the terminal... The wings are knocking people over.
Steven Wright
I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back.
Steven Wright
I hate it when my leg falls asleep. I know that means it's going to be up all night.
Steven Wright
Black holes result from God dividing the universe by zero.
Steven Wright
My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
Steven Wright
My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.
Steven Wright
