Quote

I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Seen
Largest
Funny
Collection
Keep
Collections
Nature
Beach
World
Perhaps
Humor
Fun
Comedy
Beaches

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I had amnesia once or twice.
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What a nice night for an evening.
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When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.
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I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it.
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I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.
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I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting Slinkies on the escalator.
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To the audience, it's like I'm changing the subject every five seconds, but to me, my show's almost like a 90-minute song that I know exactly. I wrote every note, and I know exactly where everything is.
Steven Wright
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The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
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I had a dream that all the babies prevented by the pill showed up. They were mad.
Steven Wright
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I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Steven Wright
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Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?
Steven Wright
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Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
Steven Wright
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I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.
Steven Wright
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The sky already fell. Now what?
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Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
Steven Wright
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Why are there five syllables in the word “monosyllabic”?
Steven Wright
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What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
Steven Wright
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When I was ten, my pa told me never to talk to strangers. We haven't spoken since.
Steven Wright
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When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety.
Steven Wright
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Is it possible to be totally partial?
Steven Wright