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I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Powdered
Add
Humor
Water
Funny

More quotes by Steven Wright

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You know the old joke, I went to the fights and a hockey game broke out.
Steven Wright
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I wear a hat on stage so that people won't be blinded by the reflection from my head. Also, if I don't wear a hat, there's no way that the hat can be at that level by itself on the stage.
Steven Wright
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After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting out of the water?
Steven Wright
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Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
Steven Wright
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I always thought Johnny Carson was just brilliant, and I used to watch him and all the comics that would be on the show every night - and I'd dream about it being me.
Steven Wright
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I washed mud off of mud.
Steven Wright
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When I was a kid, I never did funny things to get attention. I was never a funny person. I was never, like, 'Oh, wow. I could say this some day on stage.'
Steven Wright
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I’m so tired... I was up all night trying to round off infinity.
Steven Wright
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Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
Steven Wright
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I have all the emotions that everyone has it just appears that I don't.
Steven Wright
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Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
Steven Wright
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Women... can't live with 'em...... can't shoot 'em
Steven Wright
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I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.
Steven Wright
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I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings... Boy With Pail... Kitten On Fire.
Steven Wright
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If I melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet?
Steven Wright
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Snakes have no arms. That's why they don't wear vests.
Steven Wright
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My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's appointments.
Steven Wright
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Consciousness: That annoying time between naps
Steven Wright
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I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting Slinkies on the escalator.
Steven Wright
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My house is made out of balsa wood, so when I want to scare the neighborhood kids I lift it over my head and tell them to get out of my yard or I'll throw it at them.
Steven Wright