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I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Funny
Powdered
Add
Humor
Water

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.
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I went camping and borrowed a circus tent by mistake. I didn't notice until I got it set up. People complained because they couldn't see the lake.
Steven Wright
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I had my coat hangers spayed.
Steven Wright
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I’m so tired... I was up all night trying to round off infinity.
Steven Wright
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I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back.
Steven Wright
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All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats.
Steven Wright
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It's a fine night to have an evening.
Steven Wright
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The sky is falling. No, I'm tipping over backwards.
Steven Wright
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I was arrested for lip-syncing karaoke.
Steven Wright
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I have not lost my mind - it's backed up on disk somewhere.
Steven Wright
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When I was on TV in the '80s, I wasn't thinking, 'There's a 10-year-old kid watching this and in 15 years, he's gonna be doing stuff that was influenced by me.' I was trying to get my five minutes together. So now that those people are comedians and they're influenced by me - it's bizarre.
Steven Wright
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One time the power went out in my house and I had to use the flash on my camera to see my way around. I made a sandwich and took fifty pictures of my face. The neighbors thought there was lightning in my house.
Steven Wright
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I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it.
Steven Wright
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Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
Steven Wright
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Having sex with her is incredible. It's just like a concert. We throw Frisbees around the room. And when she wants more she lights a match.
Steven Wright
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I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.
Steven Wright
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Tinsel is really snakes' mirrors.
Steven Wright
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If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
Steven Wright
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When I was a kid, I never did funny things to get attention. I was never a funny person. I was never, like, 'Oh, wow. I could say this some day on stage.'
Steven Wright
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Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?
Steven Wright