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I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Powdered
Add
Humor
Water
Funny
More quotes by Steven Wright
The sun got confused about daylight savings time. It rose twice. Everything had two shadows.
Steven Wright
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
Steven Wright
Is it weird in here, or is it just me?
Steven Wright
I saw a want ad. light housekeeping. They said Here, change this bulb. I said I'll need some friends.
Steven Wright
At one point he decided enough was enough.
Steven Wright
I feel lucky that I can have people laugh solidly for a whole hour by just saying what I think and getting paid for it.
Steven Wright
Do you have any toy train schedules?
Steven Wright
I have all the emotions that everyone has it just appears that I don't.
Steven Wright
Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, Do I know you?
Steven Wright
My act is an exaggeration of a part of me. I'm much more expressive off stage.
Steven Wright
Did you sleep well? No, I made a couple of mistakes.
Steven Wright
I went to this restaurant last night that was set up like a big buffet in the shape of an Ouija board. You'd think about what kind of food you want, and the table would move across the floor to it.
Steven Wright
Why are there five syllables in the word “monosyllabic”?
Steven Wright
I have a map of the united states .... it's original size ... it says one mile equals one mile.
Steven Wright
I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology... the study of milkmen.
Steven Wright
Is 'tired old cliché' one?
Steven Wright
I turned my air conditioner the other way around and it got cold out. The weatherman said 'I don't understand it. It was supposed to be 80 degrees out today.' I said, oops
Steven Wright
I saw a vegetarian wearing a furry coat. so I looked closer. it was made of grass.
Steven Wright
What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
Steven Wright
It's very intense to be in front of a live audience. It's just an amazing experience. It's dangerous. Everything out there is heightened. The bad stuff is extra-worse. The silences are extra-silent. The good stuff is amazing. It's electric when you walk out there. For 90 minutes, you're on this other planet.
Steven Wright