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I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Funny
Lights
Light
Car
People
Behinds
Accelerator
Behind
Pedal
Humor
Pedals
Comedy
Brake
Stop
Hooked
Gone
Gas
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In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.
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I told her I knew when I was going to die because my birth certificate had an expiration date on it.
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I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.
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You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That's what I do. The branches are like life, and I throw them into my head and some of it comes out as humor.
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Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
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I Xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra Xerox machine.
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Does fuzzy logic tickle?
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My school colors were clear. We used to say, 'I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
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