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I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Behind
Pedal
Humor
Pedals
Comedy
Brake
Stop
Hooked
Gone
Gas
Funny
Lights
Light
Car
People
Behinds
Accelerator

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If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
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I need one of those baby monitors from my subconscious to my consciousness so I can know what the hell I'm really thinking about.
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
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Consciousness: That annoying time between naps
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I collect rare photographs... I have two... One of Houdini locking his keys in his car... the other is a rare picture of Norman Rockwell beating up a child.
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Everything is within walking distance, as long as you have time.
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A friend of mine is into Voodoo Acupuncture. You don't have to go. You'll just be walking down the street and . . . ooooohhhhhh, that's much better.
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All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats.
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I made a chocolate cake with white chocolate. Then I took it to a potluck. I stood in line for some cake. They said, Do you want white cake or chocolate cake? I said, yes.
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I brought a mirror to Lovers' Lane. I told everybody I'm Narcissus.
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The sky already fell. Now what?
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I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.
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There's something about being in front of a live audience that's fun. It's a really interesting, very electric, very alive, and intense experience, and you can't get it anywhere else. And I've been doing it since I was 23, so it's part of my being - it's part of my fabric as a person.
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