Quote

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Stop
Hooked
Gone
Gas
Funny
Lights
Light
Car
People
Behinds
Accelerator
Behind
Pedal
Humor
Pedals
Comedy
Brake

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I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list.
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Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring... 'How to Build a Boat.'
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I saw a man with a wooden leg and a real foot.
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My friend Winnie is a procrastinator. He didn't get his birth mark til he was eight years old.
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I'd like to sing you a song now about my old girlfriend. It's called They'll Find Her When the Leaves Blow Away 'Cause I'm Not Raking 'Til Spring.
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My school colors were clear. We used to say, 'I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
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I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings... Boy With Pail... Kitten On Fire.
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I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it's like a circus in my head.
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You know the old joke, I went to the fights and a hockey game broke out.
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People may think I'm trying something new by telling stories, but they're just jokes connected to give the illusion of stories. But really, I just continue using my imagination and creating. That's what I do.
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It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.
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My grandfather gave me a watch. It doesn't have any hands or numbers. He says it's very accurate. I asked him what time it was. You can guess what he told me.
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I got a garage door opener. It can't close. Just open.
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Having sex with her is incredible. It's just like a concert. We throw Frisbees around the room. And when she wants more she lights a match.
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I went camping and borrowed a circus tent by mistake. I didn't notice until I got it set up. People complained because they couldn't see the lake.
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I couldn't find the remote control to the remote control.
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Black holes result from God dividing the universe by zero.
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It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
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If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?
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Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
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