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I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Life
Existentialism
Existential
Maps
Witty
Humorous
Humor
Written
More quotes by Steven Wright
My girlfriend's weird. One day she asked me, 'If you could know how and when you were going to die, would you want to know?' I said, 'No.' She said, 'Okay, forget it.
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always remember your unique, just like everone else
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I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.
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When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'
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At one point he decided enough was enough.
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Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
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I was always making my friends laugh but I never wanted the attention of the whole classroom.
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When I was a kid I had a friend who worked in a radio station. Whenever we walked under a bridge, you couldn't hear what he said.
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I didn't tell any of my friends that I wanted to be a comedian, because I was superstitious. I thought if I told people, it wouldn't happen. So I kept it all in my head for years and years.
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The sky is falling. No, I'm tipping over backwards.
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Having sex with her is incredible. It's just like a concert. We throw Frisbees around the room. And when she wants more she lights a match.
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They say you're not supposed to put metal in a microwave oven. They're right.
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I hate it when my leg falls asleep. I know that means it's going to be up all night.
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I was born. When I was 23 I started telling jokes. Then I started going on television and doing films. That's still what I am doing. The end.
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I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose.
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Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Steven Wright
I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology... the study of milkmen.
Steven Wright
I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'
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I took a baby shower.
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I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.
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