Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.
Steven Wright
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Written
Life
Existentialism
Existential
Maps
Witty
Humorous
Humor
More quotes by Steven Wright
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
Steven Wright
A friend of mine is into Voodoo Acupuncture. You don't have to go. You'll just be walking down the street and . . . ooooohhhhhh, that's much better.
Steven Wright
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
Steven Wright
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
Steven Wright
I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list.
Steven Wright
For my sister's 50th birthday, I sent her a singing mammogram.
Steven Wright
The sky is falling. No, I'm tipping over backwards.
Steven Wright
Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.
Steven Wright
My grandfather gave me a watch. It doesn't have any hands or numbers. He says it's very accurate. I asked him what time it was. You can guess what he told me.
Steven Wright
Honestly, I just go to restaurants to eat so I won't die. If there was a pill I could take in January and then I wouldn't have to eat again for the rest of the year, I would take it. Of course, I wouldn't want to sacrifice my chocolate cake and ice cream.
Steven Wright
If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell
Steven Wright
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism to steal from many is research.
Steven Wright
I recently went to the hardware store and I bought some used paint... it was in a shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included. So I had to buy them again.
Steven Wright
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
Steven Wright
I like to reminisce with people I don't know.
Steven Wright
I plugged my phone in where the blender used to be. I called someone. They went Aaaaahhhh...
Steven Wright
If I ever had twins, I'd use one for parts.
Steven Wright
Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
Steven Wright
I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit a bookmark.
Steven Wright
I have two pairs of reading glasses. One pair is for reading fiction, the other for non-fiction. I've read the Bible twice wearing each pair, and it's the same.
Steven Wright
