Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.
Steven Wright
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Humorous
Humor
Written
Life
Existentialism
Existential
Maps
Witty
More quotes by Steven Wright
I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.
Steven Wright
I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note. It's a start.
Steven Wright
I feel very lucky to make a living from my imagination I'm very grateful for that. I like that what I do is create. I'm feeling very lucky to have had the career I had. It's gone much longer and bigger than I ever thought it would be.
Steven Wright
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism to steal from many is research.
Steven Wright
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Steven Wright
People think my friend George is weird because he wears sideburns...behind his ears. I think he's weird because he wears false teeth...with braces on them.
Steven Wright
Imagine Pulitzer prizefighting.
Steven Wright
Everything is within walking distance, as long as you have time.
Steven Wright
I collect rare photographs... I have two... One of Houdini locking his keys in his car... the other is a rare picture of Norman Rockwell beating up a child.
Steven Wright
All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats.
Steven Wright
Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.
Steven Wright
My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.
Steven Wright
George Carlin's album, 'Class Clown,' came out when I was in high school. I memorized a lot of that album. I'd come home from school, put it on, and listen over and over. I started memorizing it. I don't even know why. I loved it so much I memorized it.
Steven Wright
Babies don't need a vacation. But I still see them at the beach. It pisses me off.
Steven Wright
If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?
Steven Wright
Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
Steven Wright
When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.
Steven Wright
It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
Steven Wright
If I melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet?
Steven Wright
If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell
Steven Wright
