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I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Maps
Witty
Humorous
Humor
Written
Life
Existentialism
Existential

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To the audience, it's like I'm changing the subject every five seconds, but to me, my show's almost like a 90-minute song that I know exactly. I wrote every note, and I know exactly where everything is.
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Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
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All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats.
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always remember your unique, just like everone else
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If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
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If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
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Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
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Why are there five syllables in the word “monosyllabic”?
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Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
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My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday. She says if I'm good, she'll give me the other one next year.
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I paint I draw and paint - I've been doing that since I was in third grade, drawing realistically and then changing to abstract art. That was my first creative thing before guitar or comedy.
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I feel lucky that I can have people laugh solidly for a whole hour by just saying what I think and getting paid for it.
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I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
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I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking,' but I don't have that much time.
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Did you sleep well? No, I made a couple of mistakes.
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If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?
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I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
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