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What a nice night for an evening.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Evening
Humor
Nice
Funny
Night

More quotes by Steven Wright

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Babies don't need a vacation. But I still see them at the beach. It pisses me off.
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I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology... the study of milkmen.
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When I was ten, my pa told me never to talk to strangers. We haven't spoken since.
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I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
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I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'
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I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it.
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I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.
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Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?
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When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
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I've never seen electricity, that's why I don't pay for it
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Is 'tired old cliché' one?
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I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note. It's a start.
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You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That's what I do. The branches are like life, and I throw them into my head and some of it comes out as humor.
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Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
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It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
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I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
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I like to reminisce with people I don't know.
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If I ever had twins, I'd use one for parts.
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I have all the emotions that everyone has it just appears that I don't.
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My grandfather gave me a watch. It doesn't have any hands or numbers. He says it's very accurate. I asked him what time it was. You can guess what he told me.
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