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What a nice night for an evening.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Funny
Night
Evening
Humor
Nice

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George Carlin's album, 'Class Clown,' came out when I was in high school. I memorized a lot of that album. I'd come home from school, put it on, and listen over and over. I started memorizing it. I don't even know why. I loved it so much I memorized it.
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I have all the emotions that everyone has it just appears that I don't.
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I washed a sock. Then I put it in the dryer. When I took it out, it was gone.
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Is it weird in here, or is it just me?
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I went to San Francisco. I found someone’s heart.
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Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.
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I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'll use it.
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When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety.
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If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
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Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
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Officer, I know I was going faster than 55MPH, but I wasn't going to be on the road an hour.
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My friend Sam has one leg. I went to his house. I couldn't go up the stairs.
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I'd like to sing you a song now about my old girlfriend. It's called They'll Find Her When the Leaves Blow Away 'Cause I'm Not Raking 'Til Spring.
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I forgot and left the lighthouse on all night. Next day the sun wouldn't rise.
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Consciousness: That annoying time between naps
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