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What a nice night for an evening.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Evening
Humor
Nice
Funny
Night

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I live at the end of a dead end one way street. I don't know how I got there.
Steven Wright
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I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.
Steven Wright
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Babies don't need a vacation. But I still see them at the beach. It pisses me off.
Steven Wright
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The sun got confused about daylight savings time. It rose twice. Everything had two shadows.
Steven Wright
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Yesterday, my eyeglass prescription ran out.
Steven Wright
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I changed my headlights the other day. I put in strobe lights instead! Now when I drive at night, it looks like everyone else is standing still.
Steven Wright
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Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
Steven Wright
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Consciousness: That annoying time between naps
Steven Wright
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
Steven Wright
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One day a guy tried to rob me on the street, and I had no money. So I charged him.
Steven Wright
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Real life? Well, I just hope mine isn't investigated. They might find that I don't really exist - that I'm just a hologram.
Steven Wright
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I'm so hyper. (said with a very dull voice>
Steven Wright
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I wish, when I was first born, the first thing I said was Quote so the last thing I said before I died would be Unquote.
Steven Wright
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What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?
Steven Wright
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When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask if I'm leaving.
Steven Wright
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I feel very lucky to make a living from my imagination I'm very grateful for that. I like that what I do is create. I'm feeling very lucky to have had the career I had. It's gone much longer and bigger than I ever thought it would be.
Steven Wright
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I wear a hat on stage so that people won't be blinded by the reflection from my head. Also, if I don't wear a hat, there's no way that the hat can be at that level by itself on the stage.
Steven Wright
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If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
Steven Wright
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When I was a kid I had a friend who worked in a radio station. Whenever we walked under a bridge, you couldn't hear what he said.
Steven Wright
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I have a fax machine with fax waiting.
Steven Wright