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Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Comedy
Break
Take
Caffeine
Employees
Breaks
Employee
Coffee

More quotes by Steven Wright

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Why is it lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?
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Real life? Well, I just hope mine isn't investigated. They might find that I don't really exist - that I'm just a hologram.
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I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note. It's a start.
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If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
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I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting Slinkies on the escalator.
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I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.
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I always thought Johnny Carson was just brilliant, and I used to watch him and all the comics that would be on the show every night - and I'd dream about it being me.
Steven Wright
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I hate it when my leg falls asleep. I know that means it's going to be up all night.
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On the other hand, you have different fingers.
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Only one in four jokes ever works, and I still can't predict what people will laugh at.
Steven Wright
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I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.
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Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
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I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings... Boy With Pail... Kitten On Fire.
Steven Wright
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Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a door?
Steven Wright
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In hindsight, I realized I could see into the future. Which is kind of like having premonitions of flashbacks.
Steven Wright
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One day a guy tried to rob me on the street, and I had no money. So I charged him.
Steven Wright
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I took a baby shower.
Steven Wright
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You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That's what I do. The branches are like life, and I throw them into my head and some of it comes out as humor.
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If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell
Steven Wright
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Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone...when I came back the entire area was missing.
Steven Wright