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Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Coffee
Comedy
Break
Take
Caffeine
Employees
Breaks
Employee
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At one point he decided enough was enough.
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I got a new dog. He's a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he's not sure what I threw him.
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Whose cruel idea was it for the word “lisp” to have an “s” in it?
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I saw a want ad. light housekeeping. They said Here, change this bulb. I said I'll need some friends.
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I got a garage door opener. It can't close. Just open.
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Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
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If God dropped acid, would he see people?
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Snakes have no arms. That's why they don't wear vests.
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I'd like to sing you a song now about my old girlfriend. It's called They'll Find Her When the Leaves Blow Away 'Cause I'm Not Raking 'Til Spring.
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I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
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I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.
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I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.
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I plugged my phone in where the blender used to be. I called someone. They went Aaaaahhhh...
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A fool and his money are soon partying.
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I don't get up, get dressed, go out, and think, 'Okay, I gotta find eight jokes.'
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They say we're 98% water. We're that close to drowning. I like to live on the edge.
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When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'
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Everything is within walking distance, as long as you have time.
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Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?
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Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a door?
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