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Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Coffee
Comedy
Break
Take
Caffeine
Employees
Breaks
Employee
More quotes by Steven Wright
Last year we drove across the country...We had one cassette tape to listen to on the entire trip... I don't remember what it was.
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My girlfriend does her nails with white-out. When she's asleep, I go over there and write misspelled words on them.
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One day a guy tried to rob me on the street, and I had no money. So I charged him.
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Does fuzzy logic tickle?
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All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats.
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If I melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet?
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Day One: Still tired from the move.
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I saw a man with a wooden leg and a real foot.
Steven Wright
I’m so tired... I was up all night trying to round off infinity.
Steven Wright
I used to work at a health food store. I got fired for drinking straight Bosco on the job.
Steven Wright
I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.
Steven Wright
Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery's dead?
Steven Wright
I'd like to sing you a song now about my old girlfriend. It's called They'll Find Her When the Leaves Blow Away 'Cause I'm Not Raking 'Til Spring.
Steven Wright
My friend Winnie is a procrastinator. He didn't get his birth mark til he was eight years old.
Steven Wright
I forgot and left the lighthouse on all night. Next day the sun wouldn't rise.
Steven Wright
Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
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I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
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For my sister's 50th birthday, I sent her a singing mammogram.
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Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
Steven Wright
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
Steven Wright