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Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Break
Take
Caffeine
Employees
Breaks
Employee
Coffee
Comedy
More quotes by Steven Wright
You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That's what I do. The branches are like life, and I throw them into my head and some of it comes out as humor.
Steven Wright
I'm so hyper. (said with a very dull voice>
Steven Wright
My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
Steven Wright
I don't go off and sit down and try to write material, because then it's contrived and forced. I just live my life, and I see things in a word or a situation or a concept, and it will create a joke for me.
Steven Wright
I saw a sign: Rest Area 25 Miles. That's pretty big. Some people must be really tired.
Steven Wright
Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
Steven Wright
I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast.
Steven Wright
I bought some powdered water, but I don’t know what to add.
Steven Wright
Whose cruel idea was it for the word “lisp” to have an “s” in it?
Steven Wright
I thought I would be a guy on the radio.
Steven Wright
Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, Do I know you?
Steven Wright
I like to reminisce with people I don't know.
Steven Wright
If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
Steven Wright
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Steven Wright
I got a garage door opener. It can't close. Just open.
Steven Wright
When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety.
Steven Wright
The other day, I was walking my dog around my building . . . on the ledge. Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
Steven Wright
Is it weird in here, or is it just me?
Steven Wright
The things I talk about and explain couldn't happen - yet, they don't seem impossible - you could say I talk about the world in an abstract perspective. But then, the world is basically insane - and it's trying to pass itself off as being a sane place. I show it for what it is.
Steven Wright
The sun got confused about daylight savings time. It rose twice. Everything had two shadows.
Steven Wright
