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If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Funny
Penny
Making
Pennies
Two
Cents
Someone
Somewhere
Thoughts
Worth
Humor
Comedy

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I wrote a song, but I can't read music so I don't know what it is. Every once in a while I'll be listening to the radio and I say, I think I might have written that.
Steven Wright
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Your honor, why would anyone in their right mind park in the passing lane?
Steven Wright
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I've been doing comedy longer than I haven't been doing comedy, as I was performing for three years before I even got on 'The Tonight Show.' There's truly nothing like it it's intense and exhilarating, even though it looks so casual.
Steven Wright
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If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
Steven Wright
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I collect rare photographs... I have two... One of Houdini locking his keys in his car... the other is a rare picture of Norman Rockwell beating up a child.
Steven Wright
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I'm kinda tired. I was up all night trying to round off infinity. Then I got bored and went out and painted passing lines on curved roads.
Steven Wright
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A friend of mine is into Voodoo Acupuncture. You don't have to go. You'll just be walking down the street and . . . ooooohhhhhh, that's much better.
Steven Wright
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When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.
Steven Wright
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Winny would spend all of his time practicing limbo. He got pretty good. He could go under a rug.
Steven Wright
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I'm used to seeing it, but it's weird having an Academy Award. You usually only see one of them on the TV show when they give them out, so it's kind of surreal to have one in your house.
Steven Wright
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I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
Steven Wright
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Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
Steven Wright
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I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, 'What for?' I said, 'I'm going to buy some sugar.'
Steven Wright
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My friend Winnie is a procrastinator. He didn't get his birth mark til he was eight years old.
Steven Wright
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I'm addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn't matter.
Steven Wright
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Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
Steven Wright
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Women... can't live with 'em...... can't shoot 'em
Steven Wright
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Very rarely do I talk off the top of my head on stage. I'm not an improv guy. I'm a writer-guy who presents what he's written.
Steven Wright
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Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
Steven Wright
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When I was on TV in the '80s, I wasn't thinking, 'There's a 10-year-old kid watching this and in 15 years, he's gonna be doing stuff that was influenced by me.' I was trying to get my five minutes together. So now that those people are comedians and they're influenced by me - it's bizarre.
Steven Wright