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If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Comedy
Funny
Penny
Pennies
Making
Cents
Two
Somewhere
Someone
Thoughts
Worth
Humor
More quotes by Steven Wright
I had my coat hangers spayed.
Steven Wright
When I was on TV in the '80s, I wasn't thinking, 'There's a 10-year-old kid watching this and in 15 years, he's gonna be doing stuff that was influenced by me.' I was trying to get my five minutes together. So now that those people are comedians and they're influenced by me - it's bizarre.
Steven Wright
You know what scares me? When you have to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenic, just because she lives in your head.
Steven Wright
I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'll use it.
Steven Wright
I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
Steven Wright
So I got off the plane and I forget to take off my seat-belt and I'm dragging the plane through the terminal... The wings are knocking people over.
Steven Wright
Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery's dead?
Steven Wright
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
Steven Wright
I have a fax machine with fax waiting.
Steven Wright
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
Steven Wright
I've never seen electricity, that's why I don't pay for it
Steven Wright
Babies don't need a vacation. But I still see them at the beach. It pisses me off.
Steven Wright
I feel very lucky to make a living from my imagination I'm very grateful for that. I like that what I do is create. I'm feeling very lucky to have had the career I had. It's gone much longer and bigger than I ever thought it would be.
Steven Wright
Officer, I know I was going faster than 55MPH, but I wasn't going to be on the road an hour.
Steven Wright
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
Steven Wright
Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don't have film.
Steven Wright
Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.
Steven Wright
Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say 'What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!'
Steven Wright
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
Steven Wright
I don't feel that I'm explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I'm not trying to be a mirror, showing them what's really going on the world. All I'm trying to do is think of stuff that's funny, just like when I'm kidding around with my friends.
Steven Wright
