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If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Making
Pennies
Two
Cents
Someone
Somewhere
Thoughts
Worth
Humor
Comedy
Funny
Penny
More quotes by Steven Wright
I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
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Why are they called buildings when they’re already finished? Shouldn’t they be called builts?
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I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it's like a circus in my head.
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Whatever happened to preparations A through G?
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I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose.
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I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology... the study of milkmen.
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It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.
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I like to reminisce with people I don't know.
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Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?
Steven Wright
Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
Steven Wright
In hindsight, I realized I could see into the future. Which is kind of like having premonitions of flashbacks.
Steven Wright
My friend Sam has one leg. I went to his house. I couldn't go up the stairs.
Steven Wright
I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one out. Now my car goes 500 miles per hour. The harmonica sounds amazing.
Steven Wright
I went to San Francisco. I found someone’s heart.
Steven Wright
I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.
Steven Wright
You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time.
Steven Wright
I don't go off and sit down and try to write material, because then it's contrived and forced. I just live my life, and I see things in a word or a situation or a concept, and it will create a joke for me.
Steven Wright
I live at the end of a dead end one way street. I don't know how I got there.
Steven Wright
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
Steven Wright
If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?
Steven Wright