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Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Last
Stayed
House
Cards
Night
Died
People
Late
Playing
Tarot
Full
Poker
Four
Gamble
Lasts
Gambling
More quotes by Steven Wright
When I was a kid I had a friend who worked in a radio station. Whenever we walked under a bridge, you couldn't hear what he said.
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I have a map of the united states .... it's original size ... it says one mile equals one mile.
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My friend Winnie is a procrastinator. He didn't get his birth mark til he was eight years old.
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I was always making my friends laugh but I never wanted the attention of the whole classroom.
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Even snakes are afraid of snakes.
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You know how it is when you’re walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there’s one more step? I’m like that all the time.
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I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.
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I turned my air conditioner the other way around and it got cold out. The weatherman said 'I don't understand it. It was supposed to be 80 degrees out today.' I said, oops
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Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.
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My school colors were clear. We used to say, 'I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
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I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology... the study of milkmen.
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I saw a sign: Rest Area 25 Miles. That's pretty big. Some people must be really tired.
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There's something about being in front of a live audience that's fun. It's a really interesting, very electric, very alive, and intense experience, and you can't get it anywhere else. And I've been doing it since I was 23, so it's part of my being - it's part of my fabric as a person.
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Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring... 'How to Build a Boat.'
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My grandfather gave me a watch. It doesn't have any hands or numbers. He says it's very accurate. I asked him what time it was. You can guess what he told me.
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What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
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When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'
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It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself.
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Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
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Your honor, why would anyone in their right mind park in the passing lane?
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