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Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Laughter
Small
Skiers
Funny
Skis
Live
Skiing
Country
Witty
Great
Humorous
Cross
Crosses
More quotes by Steven Wright
For my sister's 50th birthday, I sent her a singing mammogram.
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Everything is within walking distance, as long as you have time.
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I live at the end of a dead end one way street. I don't know how I got there.
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I brought a mirror to Lovers' Lane. I told everybody I'm Narcissus.
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Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?
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I hate it when my leg falls asleep. I know that means it's going to be up all night.
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They say we're 98% water. We're that close to drowning. I like to live on the edge.
Steven Wright
I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking,' but I don't have that much time.
Steven Wright
I have a map of the United States... Actual size. It says, 'Scale: 1 mile = 1 mile.' I spent last summer folding it. I hardly ever unroll it. People ask me where I live, and I say, 'E6.
Steven Wright
Honestly, I just go to restaurants to eat so I won't die. If there was a pill I could take in January and then I wouldn't have to eat again for the rest of the year, I would take it. Of course, I wouldn't want to sacrifice my chocolate cake and ice cream.
Steven Wright
Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
Steven Wright
If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
Steven Wright
I feel lucky that I can have people laugh solidly for a whole hour by just saying what I think and getting paid for it.
Steven Wright
I bought some powdered water, but I don’t know what to add.
Steven Wright
I liked school, but I used to dread those moments when the teacher would call me up to give an oral report. I forced myself to deal with it and not dwell on the class in front of me - to keep a straight face, give the report and concentrate on getting it right. That's normally how I perform. That's how I am.
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Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?
Steven Wright
I was arrested for lip-syncing karaoke.
Steven Wright
I went camping and borrowed a circus tent by mistake. I didn't notice until I got it set up. People complained because they couldn't see the lake.
Steven Wright
When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'
Steven Wright
If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?
Steven Wright