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Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Small
Skiers
Funny
Skis
Skiing
Live
Witty
Country
Humorous
Great
Cross
Crosses
Laughter
More quotes by Steven Wright
My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
Steven Wright
Day One: Still tired from the move.
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Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
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Babies don't need a vacation. But I still see them at the beach. It pisses me off.
Steven Wright
The sun never sets on the British Empire. But it rises every morning. The sky must get awfully crowded.
Steven Wright
Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?
Steven Wright
If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
Steven Wright
I have two pairs of reading glasses. One pair is for reading fiction, the other for non-fiction. I've read the Bible twice wearing each pair, and it's the same.
Steven Wright
I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.
Steven Wright
I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'll use it.
Steven Wright
I once locked my keys out of my car. I had to break out of my car with a coat hanger.
Steven Wright
I went camping and borrowed a circus tent by mistake. I didn't notice until I got it set up. People complained because they couldn't see the lake.
Steven Wright
I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.
Steven Wright
My friend Sam has one leg. I went to his house. I couldn't go up the stairs.
Steven Wright
Is it weird in here, or is it just me?
Steven Wright
The other night I came home late, and tried to unlock my house with my car keys. I started the house up. So, I drove it around for a while. I was speeding, and a cop pulled me over. He asked where I lived. I said, Right here, officer.
Steven Wright
Even snakes are afraid of snakes.
Steven Wright
I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.
Steven Wright
Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery's dead?
Steven Wright
Yeah, but I don't believe everything I read.
Steven Wright
