Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.
Steven Wright
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Happens
Grow
Much
Fun
Would
Comedy
Happen
Sponges
Wonder
Kills
Grows
Deeper
Funny
Ocean
Didn
Humor
More quotes by Steven Wright
Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.
Steven Wright
I have a map of the United States... Actual size. It says, 'Scale: 1 mile = 1 mile.' I spent last summer folding it. I hardly ever unroll it. People ask me where I live, and I say, 'E6.
Steven Wright
Honestly, I just go to restaurants to eat so I won't die. If there was a pill I could take in January and then I wouldn't have to eat again for the rest of the year, I would take it. Of course, I wouldn't want to sacrifice my chocolate cake and ice cream.
Steven Wright
Do you have any toy train schedules?
Steven Wright
I hate it when my leg falls asleep. I know that means it's going to be up all night.
Steven Wright
I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose.
Steven Wright
I'd like to sing you a song now about my old girlfriend. It's called They'll Find Her When the Leaves Blow Away 'Cause I'm Not Raking 'Til Spring.
Steven Wright
I saw a sign at a gas station. It said 'help wanted'. There was another sign below it that said 'self service'. So I hired myself. Then I made myself the boss. I gave myself a raise. I paid myself. Then I quit.
Steven Wright
I thought I would be a guy on the radio.
Steven Wright
Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
Steven Wright
Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
Steven Wright
I wish, when I was first born, the first thing I said was Quote so the last thing I said before I died would be Unquote.
Steven Wright
I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list.
Steven Wright
I like to reminisce with people I don't know.
Steven Wright
Officer, I know I was going faster than 55MPH, but I wasn't going to be on the road an hour.
Steven Wright
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
Steven Wright
Sometimes I wish my first word was 'quote,' so that on my death bed, my last words could be 'end quote.'
Steven Wright
It's a fine night to have an evening.
Steven Wright
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Steven Wright
Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
Steven Wright