Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say 'What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!'
Steven Wright
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Life
Comedy
Vacation
Funny
Beach
Stills
Havens
Still
Worked
Littles
Haven
Little
Travel
Need
Baby
Pisses
Needs
Humor
Babies
More quotes by Steven Wright
I can't stop thinking like this.
Steven Wright
I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.
Steven Wright
The sky already fell. Now what?
Steven Wright
Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
Steven Wright
I wrote a song, but I can't read music so I don't know what it is. Every once in a while I'll be listening to the radio and I say, I think I might have written that.
Steven Wright
One day a guy tried to rob me on the street, and I had no money. So I charged him.
Steven Wright
Is it possible to be totally partial?
Steven Wright
I’m so tired... I was up all night trying to round off infinity.
Steven Wright
Is 'tired old cliché' one?
Steven Wright
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
Steven Wright
Yesterday, my eyeglass prescription ran out.
Steven Wright
Day One: Still tired from the move.
Steven Wright
I made a chocolate cake with white chocolate. Then I took it to a potluck. I stood in line for some cake. They said, Do you want white cake or chocolate cake? I said, yes.
Steven Wright
They say you're not supposed to put metal in a microwave oven. They're right.
Steven Wright
I have a map of the united states .... it's original size ... it says one mile equals one mile.
Steven Wright
I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
Steven Wright
I'm used to seeing it, but it's weird having an Academy Award. You usually only see one of them on the TV show when they give them out, so it's kind of surreal to have one in your house.
Steven Wright
In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.
Steven Wright
I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.
Steven Wright
I feel lucky that I can have people laugh solidly for a whole hour by just saying what I think and getting paid for it.
Steven Wright