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Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say 'What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!'

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Still
Worked
Littles
Haven
Little
Travel
Need
Baby
Pisses
Needs
Humor
Babies
Life
Comedy
Vacation
Funny
Beach
Stills
Havens

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
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If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?
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There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.
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Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
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Hermits have no peer pressure.
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I live at the end of a dead end one way street. I don't know how I got there.
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Is it possible to be totally partial?
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When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.
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My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.
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In my house on the ceilings I have paintings of the rooms above... so I never have to go upstairs.
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You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time.
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I wear a hat on stage so that people won't be blinded by the reflection from my head. Also, if I don't wear a hat, there's no way that the hat can be at that level by itself on the stage.
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My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.
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What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
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The sun never sets on the British Empire. But it rises every morning. The sky must get awfully crowded.
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Last year we drove across the country...We had one cassette tape to listen to on the entire trip... I don't remember what it was.
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I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.
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always remember your unique, just like everone else
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I brought a mirror to Lovers' Lane. I told everybody I'm Narcissus.
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I thought I would be a guy on the radio.
Steven Wright