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Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say 'What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!'
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Humor
Babies
Needs
Comedy
Vacation
Life
Funny
Beach
Havens
Stills
Worked
Still
Haven
Littles
Travel
Little
Baby
Pisses
Need
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I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.
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I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
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I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
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If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
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Black holes result from God dividing the universe by zero.
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Snakes have no arms. That's why they don't wear vests.
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When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
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Is it weird in here, or is it just me?
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You know how it is when you’re walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there’s one more step? I’m like that all the time.
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Tinsel is really snakes' mirrors.
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I once tried to commit suicide by jumping off a building...I changed my mind at the last minute, so I just flipped over and landed on my feet. Two little kittens nearby saw what happened and one turns to the other and says, See, that's how it's done.
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Be nice to your children. After all, they are going to choose your nursing home.
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Everything is within walking distance, as long as you have time.
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I can't stop thinking like this.
Steven Wright
