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Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Work
Distance
Time
Walking
Humor
Walks
Environment
Fun
Hiker
Comedy
Hiking
Within
Everywhere

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Do fish get cramps after eating?
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My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
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If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
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Four years ago... no, it was yesterday.
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If you are killing time, are you damaging eternity?
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If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?
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Yesterday, my eyeglass prescription ran out.
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I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
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When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
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The things I talk about and explain couldn't happen - yet, they don't seem impossible - you could say I talk about the world in an abstract perspective. But then, the world is basically insane - and it's trying to pass itself off as being a sane place. I show it for what it is.
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I have a map of the United States... Actual size. It says, 'Scale: 1 mile = 1 mile.' I spent last summer folding it. I hardly ever unroll it. People ask me where I live, and I say, 'E6.
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In my house on the ceilings I have paintings of the rooms above... so I never have to go upstairs.
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I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.
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If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
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The sky already fell. Now what?
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Tinsel is really snakes' mirrors.
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Very rarely do I talk off the top of my head on stage. I'm not an improv guy. I'm a writer-guy who presents what he's written.
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There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.
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I saw a sign at a gas station. It said 'help wanted'. There was another sign below it that said 'self service'. So I hired myself. Then I made myself the boss. I gave myself a raise. I paid myself. Then I quit.
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