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Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Environment
Fun
Hiker
Comedy
Hiking
Within
Everywhere
Work
Distance
Time
Walking
Humor
Walks

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings... Boy With Pail... Kitten On Fire.
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I plugged my phone in where the blender used to be. I called someone. They went Aaaaahhhh...
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Is 'tired old cliché' one?
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If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
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To the audience, it's like I'm changing the subject every five seconds, but to me, my show's almost like a 90-minute song that I know exactly. I wrote every note, and I know exactly where everything is.
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I can't stop thinking like this.
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A friend of mine is into Voodoo Acupuncture. You don't have to go. You'll just be walking down the street and . . . ooooohhhhhh, that's much better.
Steven Wright
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I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Steven Wright
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Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
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The other day I ... no wait, that wasn't me.
Steven Wright
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I'm kinda tired. I was up all night trying to round off infinity. Then I got bored and went out and painted passing lines on curved roads.
Steven Wright
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If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
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I need one of those baby monitors from my subconscious to my consciousness so I can know what the hell I'm really thinking about.
Steven Wright
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I saw a man with a wooden leg and a real foot.
Steven Wright
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It's very intense to be in front of a live audience. It's just an amazing experience. It's dangerous. Everything out there is heightened. The bad stuff is extra-worse. The silences are extra-silent. The good stuff is amazing. It's electric when you walk out there. For 90 minutes, you're on this other planet.
Steven Wright
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Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as '4's'?
Steven Wright
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The sky is falling. No, I'm tipping over backwards.
Steven Wright
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So I got off the plane and I forget to take off my seat-belt and I'm dragging the plane through the terminal... The wings are knocking people over.
Steven Wright
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Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
Steven Wright
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Why do banks charge you a non-sufficient funds fee on money they already know you don't have?
Steven Wright