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Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Walks
Environment
Fun
Hiker
Comedy
Hiking
Within
Everywhere
Work
Distance
Time
Walking
Humor
More quotes by Steven Wright
My act is an exaggeration of a part of me. I'm much more expressive off stage.
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I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
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If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
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Does fuzzy logic tickle?
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I brought a mirror to Lovers' Lane. I told everybody I'm Narcissus.
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Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
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Why are they called buildings when they’re already finished? Shouldn’t they be called builts?
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I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
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Snakes have no arms. That's why they don't wear vests.
Steven Wright
I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit a bookmark.
Steven Wright
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
Steven Wright
Officer, I know I was going faster than 55MPH, but I wasn't going to be on the road an hour.
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The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.
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My grandfather gave me a watch. It doesn't have any hands or numbers. He says it's very accurate. I asked him what time it was. You can guess what he told me.
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I plugged my phone in where the blender used to be. I called someone. They went Aaaaahhhh...
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What a nice night for an evening.
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George Carlin's album, 'Class Clown,' came out when I was in high school. I memorized a lot of that album. I'd come home from school, put it on, and listen over and over. I started memorizing it. I don't even know why. I loved it so much I memorized it.
Steven Wright
If I ever had twins, I'd use one for parts.
Steven Wright
I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking,' but I don't have that much time.
Steven Wright
I used to work at a health food store. I got fired for drinking straight Bosco on the job.
Steven Wright
