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I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Funny
Breakfast
Toast
Time
Nonsense
Toasts
French
Ordered
Humorous
Renaissance
Cooking
Restaurant
Humor
Serves
Food
Culinary
Went
Restaurants
More quotes by Steven Wright
The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store . . . with a pricing gun. She said, Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store.
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I've never seen electricity, that's why I don't pay for it
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I got pulled over by a cop, and he said, 'do you know the speed limit here is 55 miles per hour?'. So I said, 'oh, that's OK, I'm not going that far.'
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Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.
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I was always making my friends laugh but I never wanted the attention of the whole classroom.
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Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone...when I came back the entire area was missing.
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Is it possible to be totally partial?
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I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates.
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Last year we drove across the country...We had one cassette tape to listen to on the entire trip... I don't remember what it was.
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A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, 'Wish you were here.
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I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it.
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Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.
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Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
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What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?
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I'm seeing the world partially through the eyes of a kid. Not all the time. There's no black and white to it. But sometimes I'm seeing it like I'm 4.
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Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
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I saw a sign: Rest Area 25 Miles. That's pretty big. Some people must be really tired.
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I once locked my keys out of my car. I had to break out of my car with a coat hanger.
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I need one of those baby monitors from my subconscious to my consciousness so I can know what the hell I'm really thinking about.
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I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.
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