Quote

I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Humor
Serves
Food
Culinary
Went
Restaurants
Funny
Breakfast
Toast
Time
Nonsense
Toasts
French
Ordered
Humorous
Renaissance
Cooking
Restaurant

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So I got off the plane and I forget to take off my seat-belt and I'm dragging the plane through the terminal... The wings are knocking people over.
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I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
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I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast.
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Honestly, I just go to restaurants to eat so I won't die. If there was a pill I could take in January and then I wouldn't have to eat again for the rest of the year, I would take it. Of course, I wouldn't want to sacrifice my chocolate cake and ice cream.
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You know how it is when you’re walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there’s one more step? I’m like that all the time.
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Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
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Winny would spend all of his time practicing limbo. He got pretty good. He could go under a rug.
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When I was ten, my pa told me never to talk to strangers. We haven't spoken since.
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I eat swiss cheese. But I only nibble on it. I make the holes bigger.
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I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
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I went to San Francisco. I found someone’s heart.
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Four years ago... no, it was yesterday.
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I saw a sign: Rest Area 25 Miles. That's pretty big. Some people must be really tired.
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I once tried to commit suicide by jumping off a building...I changed my mind at the last minute, so I just flipped over and landed on my feet. Two little kittens nearby saw what happened and one turns to the other and says, See, that's how it's done.
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I was born. When I was 23 I started telling jokes. Then I started going on television and doing films. That's still what I am doing. The end.
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I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back.
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Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
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Be nice to your children. After all, they are going to choose your nursing home.
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I have not lost my mind - it's backed up on disk somewhere.
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
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