Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'
Steven Wright
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Remember
Sight
Singing
Humor
Shop
Friends
Candle
Happy
Shops
Funny
Burned
Everyone
Stood
Around
Birthday
More quotes by Steven Wright
I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates.
Steven Wright
The sign said eight items or less. So I changed my name to Les.
Steven Wright
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Steven Wright
Why are they called buildings when they’re already finished? Shouldn’t they be called builts?
Steven Wright
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
Steven Wright
Whatever happened to preparations A through G?
Steven Wright
I hate it when my leg falls asleep. I know that means it's going to be up all night.
Steven Wright
Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
Steven Wright
My grandfather gave me a watch. It doesn't have any hands or numbers. He says it's very accurate. I asked him what time it was. You can guess what he told me.
Steven Wright
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism to steal from many is research.
Steven Wright
I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.
Steven Wright
Day One: Still tired from the move.
Steven Wright
I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose.
Steven Wright
For my sister's 50th birthday, I sent her a singing mammogram.
Steven Wright
I didn't tell any of my friends that I wanted to be a comedian, because I was superstitious. I thought if I told people, it wouldn't happen. So I kept it all in my head for years and years.
Steven Wright
I went camping and borrowed a circus tent by mistake. I didn't notice until I got it set up. People complained because they couldn't see the lake.
Steven Wright
I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.
Steven Wright
I Xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra Xerox machine.
Steven Wright
After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting out of the water?
Steven Wright
I wear my heart on my sleeve. I wear my liver on my pant leg.
Steven Wright