A headline last year, after the death of Saddam Hussein, read: 'Tyrant is hanged'. My auntie looked at the newspaper and sobbed, 'Who's going to present Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?'

I was talking to my friend from New York yesterday, and I used the expression, 'You can't polish a turd'. He looked at me, disgusted, and said, 'No, you can't, but you can roll it in glitter'. He's a lovely guy but I wouldn't want to go to a craft fair with him

Just because you're a good caddie doesn't mean to say that you're the one that can put a player over the top. A good caddie doesn't necessarily help you've got to gel.

When you're told as a caddie we need to take a break, you're fired.

The reality is that these cases are happening all the time. It's when they get out of control that you have a problem.

I think it's always when you go to caddie for another player, it's no different to when you start with a new player. The very most important thing is when you get the first opportunity to have a win is to try and show them that you know what you're doing. It's easier said than done.

If you want me to come and caddie for you full time, you've got to sit down and do some hard work and do some hard yards because that's what I expect.

Under most circumstances that would result in disqualification. If the rules of golf are upheld, I believe he should have been disqualified.