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Indeed I have always found that the only thing in regard to Toronto which faraway people know for certain is that McGill University is in it.

Stephen Leacock

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Stephen Leacock
Age: 74 †
Born: 1869
Born: December 30
Died: 1944
Died: March 28
Economist
Humorist
Political Scientist
Writer
Hants
Stephen Butler Leacock
Certain
Thing
Mcgill
Always
Faraway
People
Toronto
University
Indeed
Regard
Found

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The parent who could see his boy as he really is, would shake his head and say: 'Willie is no good I'll sell him.
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If every day in the life of a school could be the last day but one, there would be little fault to find with it.
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The classical scholars have kept alive the tradition of the superiority of the ancient languages -- a kaleidoscopic mass of suffixes and prefixes, supposed to represent an infinite shading of meaning. It is a character they share with the Ojibway and the Zulu.
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You can never have international peace as long as you have national poverty.
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The sorrows and disasters of Europe always brought fortune to America.
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In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
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There is no doubt that many things in life come to us...at backrounds so to speak. Happiness is one of them.
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Presently I shall be introduced as 'this venerable old gentleman' and the axe will fall when they raise me to the degree of 'grand old man'. That means on our continent any one with snow-white hair who has kept out of jail till eighty.
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All our yesterdays, it is true, have only lighted fools the way to dusty death. But we need at least the dates of the yesterdays and the list of the fools.
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It takes a good deal of physical courage to ride a horse. This, however, I have. I get it at about forty cents a flask, and take it as required.
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Life, we learn too late, is in the living, the tissue of every day and hour.
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Personally, I would sooner have written Alice in Wonderland than the whole Encyclopedia Britannica.
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I am what is called a professor emeritus—from the Latin e, 'out,' and meritus, 'so he ought to be.
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The classics are only primitive literature. They belong to the same class as primitive machinery and primitive music and primitive medicine.
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In earlier times they had no statistics and so they had to fall back on lies. Hence the huge exaggerations of primitive literature, giants, miracles, wonders! It's the size that counts. They did it with lies and we do it with statistics: but it's all the same.
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Now, the essence, the very spirit of Christmas is that we first make believe a thing is so, and lo, it presently turns out to be so.
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Newspapermen learn to call a murderer an alleged murderer and the King of England the alleged King of England in order to avoid libel suits.
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Golf may be played on Sunday, not being a game within the view of the law, but being a form of moral effort.
Stephen Leacock
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Chess is one long regret.
Stephen Leacock
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The landlady of a boarding-house is a parallelogram - that is, an oblong angular figure, which cannot be described, but which is equal to anything
Stephen Leacock