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The parent who could see his boy as he really is, would shake his head and say: 'Willie is no good I'll sell him.

Stephen Leacock

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Stephen Leacock
Age: 74 †
Born: 1869
Born: December 30
Died: 1944
Died: March 28
Economist
Humorist
Political Scientist
Writer
Hants
Stephen Butler Leacock
Parent
Willie
Really
Shake
Good
Parenting
Would
Shakes
Sell
Sells
Boys
Head

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Indeed I have always found that the only thing in regard to Toronto which faraway people know for certain is that McGill University is in it.
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About the only good thing you can say about old age is, it's better than being dead!
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Advertising: the science of arresting the human intelligence long enough to get money from it.
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The classical scholars have kept alive the tradition of the superiority of the ancient languages -- a kaleidoscopic mass of suffixes and prefixes, supposed to represent an infinite shading of meaning. It is a character they share with the Ojibway and the Zulu.
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In earlier times they had no statistics and so they had to fall back on lies. Hence the huge exaggerations of primitive literature, giants, miracles, wonders! It's the size that counts. They did it with lies and we do it with statistics: but it's all the same.
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Personally, I would sooner have written Alice in Wonderland than the whole Encyclopedia Britannica.
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There is an old motto that runs, If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. This is nonsense. It ought to read, If at first you don't succeed, quit, quit at once.
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When actors begin to think, it's time for a change. They are not fitted for it.
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It is difficult to be funny and great at the same time. Aristophanes and Moliere and Mark Twain must sit below Aristotle and Bossuet and Emerson.
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Presently I shall be introduced as 'this venerable old gentleman' and the axe will fall when they raise me to the degree of 'grand old man'. That means on our continent any one with snow-white hair who has kept out of jail till eighty.
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There is no doubt that many things in life come to us...at backrounds so to speak. Happiness is one of them.
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What we call creative work, ought not to be called work at all, because it isn't. I imagine that Thomas Edison never did a day's work in his last fifty years.
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All our yesterdays, it is true, have only lighted fools the way to dusty death. But we need at least the dates of the yesterdays and the list of the fools.
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I admit that when the facts are not good enough, I always exaggerate them.
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The tears of childhood fall fast and easily, and evil be to him who makes them flow.
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Humour in its highest reach mingles with pathos: it voices sorrow for our human lot and reconciliation with it.
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Humor may be defined as the kindly contemplation of the incongruities of life, and the artistic expression thereof.
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Men are able to trust one another, knowing the exact degree of dishonesty they are entitled to expect.
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The minute a man is convinced he is interesting, he isn't.
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All Dickens's humour couldn't save Dickens, save him from his overcrowded life, its sordid and neurotic central tragedy and its premature collapse. But Dickens's humour, and all such humour, has saved or at least greatly served the world.
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