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I don't think anybody can with a straight face say that the Russians did not set out to influence our election, and they did so.
Stephen Colbert
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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Face
Think
Thinking
Russians
Straight
Election
Anybody
Influence
More quotes by Stephen Colbert
Naturally the U.S. trails in gold medals because every time we win one, we hand it over to the Chinese to pay off our debt.
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I may be just an empty flesh terminal reliant on technology for all my ideas, memories and relationships, but I am confident that all of that everything that makes me a unique human being is still out there somewhere, safe in a theoretical storage space owned by giant, multinational corporations.
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If we raise taxes on corporations, what incentive will they have to make money other than the fact that it's the sole reason they exist.
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If anybody needs anything else at their tables, just speak slowly and clearly into your table numbers. Someone from the NSA will be right over with a cocktail.
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John Boehner will be the new speaker unless, out of habit, he blocks his own confirmation.
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The lead singer of Creed says he won’t endorse President Obama. Well that settles it -- Obama will not win the 1998 presidential election.
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A new study shows that having a severe phobia can hasten aging. But what if my greatest fear IS aging?!?
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Who's Britannica to tell me that the Panama Canal was built in 1914? If I want to say that it was built in 1941, that's my right as an American.
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Yesterday in a 25 to 24 vote, Republicans welcomed back Lott back into their leadership and named him minority whip. That is great for Trent. They say minority whip is a stepping stone to Grand Wizard.
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But you are also the biggest threat of all ...You are a gay person I like. Your threat is that you make being gay seem non-threatening. It's almost as if your happiness does not take mine away.
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Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.
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Don't cry over spilled milk-- get angry and punch a cow.
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Sixty eight percent of Republicans don't believe in evolution. On the other hand, only five percent of monkeys believe in Republicans.
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If I had a dime for everytime that I was wrong, I'd be broke.
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I'm not here to affect you politically or socially. I'm here to make you laugh. I use the news as the palette for my jokes.
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Texas governor Rick Perry has been in the race only three days, and he's already blowing away the competition like it is a trespassing coyote.
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Mitt Romney's email was hacked! So if you start getting messages that sound like they're from a bot, he's fixed the problem.
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Made no mistake: America is a Christian nation. The bedrock of our theo-democracy is our Judeo-Christian values. that term, by the way, is a bit of a misnomer. It implies that Christianity and Judaism are equal.
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If you are a hermaphrodite, it is physically impossible to be gay.
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