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I don't think anybody can with a straight face say that the Russians did not set out to influence our election, and they did so.

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Thinking
Russians
Straight
Election
Anybody
Influence
Face
Think

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Destroying a religious symbol and building a religious center are really the same thing if you don't think about it.
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If you're a perfectionist and you know you're about to do something at which you cannot be perfect, then that is daunting because you know what your heart is like and the way you approach your work.
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I hadn't intended to end up there. I meant to be a serious actor with a beard who wore a lot of black and wanted to share his misery with you.
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No matter how you were born, no matter how you identify, I want to be clear that I would be proud to grind you up and eat you.
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Corporations have free speech, but they can't speak like you and me. They don't have mouths or hands.
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I am no fan of books. And chances are, if you're reading this, you and I share a healthy skepticism about the printed word. Well, I want you to know that this is the first book I've ever written, and I hope it's the first book you've ever read. Don't make a habit of it.
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North Korea is willing to go to any lengths for the whole world to honor its demands of 'Ooh, please pay attention to us.'
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If you are a hermaphrodite, it is physically impossible to be gay.
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When my car runs out of gas, I buy a new one. I don't want to ride around with a quitter.
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Liberals want to burn the flag, but progressives just want to microwave it?
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What I rediscovered was the therapeutic nature of singing lessons. They're like doing yoga but for [the] inside of your body. You open up and use muscles that you don't think of as malleable.
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A mother needs to be in the home even when the kids aren’t. A messy house sends a coded message to children: “I’m not loveable. Otherwise Mother would dust.
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You know what I hate about people who criticize you? They - they criticize what you say but they never give you credit for how loud you say it.
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Cameras are dangerous. With no waiting period or background check, any whack-job could just stroll into a Wal-Mart and walk out with a semi-automatic. Now, for years I've been pressing for stricter regulations on cameras, especially around our elected officials. Too many political lives have been cut short by some crazed shooter.
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The fate of our country is now in the hands of people who don't think about what they want until they get right up to the register at McDonald's.
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Charles Darwin got totally hammered, woke up next to a monkey and decided he had to come up with a theory to make it all okay.
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Warmth is to sun, as truth is to me.
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I don't like books, they're all fact, no heart.
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My character is self-important, poorly informed, well-intentioned but an idiot. So we said, `Let's give him a promotion.'
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I believe that the government that governs best is a government that governs least, and by these standards we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq.
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