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Who's Britannica to tell me that the Panama Canal was built in 1914? If I want to say that it was built in 1941, that's my right as an American.

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Panama
Canal
Canals
Built
American
Tell
Right

More quotes by Stephen Colbert

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We claim no respectability. There's no status I would not surrender for a joke. So we don't have to defend anything.
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If I'm doing a talk show or an interview, or pretty much anything where I can't control the context, I'm loath to do the character.
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The shamrock is a religious symbol. St. Patrick said the leaves represented the trinity: the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. That's why four leaf clovers are so lucky, you get a bonus Jesus.
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Yes, Dr. King is pro-gun just as surely as Jesus would be pro-nails.
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If we don't cut expensive things like Head Start, child nutrition programs, and teachers, what sort of future are we leaving for our children?
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The pen is mightier than the sword, if you shoot that pen out of a gun
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If Corporations are people, I guarantee you that a government of those people, by those people, and for those people will continue to exist.
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There's nothing wrong with being gay. I have plenty of friends who are going to hell.
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Equations are the devil's sentences.
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Take the platypus - that is not a finished product. It is clearly still in beta.
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I like talking about people who don't have any power and it seems like some of the least powerful people in the United States are the migrant workers who come and do our work and don't have any rights as a result. And yet we still invite them to come here, and at the same time ask them to leave.
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New study reveals men like to cuddle. Another study reveals men will say anything to get into bed with a woman.
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Science attacks our most cherished opinions. Opinions which come straight from our collective gut. Oh, wait, according to gastroenterologists, the only thing that comes from the gut is waste left from the digestion of food. That’s right, “waste.” I guess that means that scientists literally think our opinions should be flushed down the toilet!
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We all deserve credit for this new surveillance state that we live in because we the people voted for the Patriot Act. Democrats and Republicans alike....We voted for the people who voted for it, and then voted for the people who reauthorized it, then voted for the people who re-re-authorize d it.
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I know that the pope's infallible, but that doesn't mean he can't make mistakes.
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President Bush, have a hot dog with me.
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If God wanted us to accept gays, he'd have made us compassionate
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Everybody loves dogs. They're the pizza of the animal kingdom.
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Sixty eight percent of Republicans don't believe in evolution. On the other hand, only five percent of monkeys believe in Republicans.
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Naturally the U.S. trails in gold medals because every time we win one, we hand it over to the Chinese to pay off our debt.
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