Quote

They think I'm silly. I do silly things. I fall down and run into things. I talk to inanimate objects. I'll hold a pickup stick to my ear and say, What? What's that? I can't hear you

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Talk
Inanimate
Fall
Stick
Running
Sticks
Things
Silly
Think
Ears
Thinking
Objects
Hold
Hear
Pickup

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The way to a man's heart is through his stomach...just make sure you thrust upward through his ribcage.
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I would say laughter is the best medicine. But it's more than that. It's an entire regime of antibiotics and steroids.
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I live by syllogisms: God is love. Love is blind. Stevie Wonder is blind. Therefore, Stevie Wonder is God. I don't know what I'd believe in if it wasn't for that.
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Wikipedia is the first place I go when I'm looking for knowledge... or when I want to create some.
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If we raise taxes on corporations, what incentive will they have to make money other than the fact that it's the sole reason they exist.
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Now we all know that Fidel Castro dressed up like Marilyn Monroe and gave JFK a case of syphilis so bad it eventually blew out the back of his head.
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I don't accept the status quo. I do accept Visa, MasterCard, or American Express.
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Equations are the devil's sentences.
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There's nothing more I love than McDonald's dollar menu. With just the change I find between my couch cushions, I can eat something with the nutritional value of a couch cushion.
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Winning the Nobel Prize does not automatically qualify you to be commander in chief. I think George Bush has proved definitively that to be president, you don't need to care about science, literature or peace.
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I don't think anybody can with a straight face say that the Russians did not set out to influence our election, and they did so.
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I do my show half-hour a night four nights a week. I haven't seen my kids in 18 months, and I am losing calcium in my bones. Doctors say I should stop. I'm not going to.
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Football is American why are the Romans numering our bowls?!
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Senator Kerry does not support our troops. If he had won the election, there wouldn't be any troops left in Iraq. President Bush, on the other hand, has given our troops an opportunity to fight without end. That's creating jobs. In fact, the president's policies helped create 104 more job openings last month. Now who's stupid, Senator?
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I don't like books, they're all fact, no heart.
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Obamacare needs the premiums of healthier people to cover the costs of sicker people. It's a devious con that can only be described as insurance.
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If the eyes are the window to the soul, then why does it hurt when I spray them with Windex?
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We claim no respectability. There's no status I would not surrender for a joke. So we don't have to defend anything.
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I believe that the government that governs best is a government that governs least, and by these standards we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq.
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I actually do not think that's how what's happening to our government is going to be stopped. I think people who are willing to be civically engaged and believe in the promises and the progress of the last fifty years that will save this country.
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