Quote

They think I'm silly. I do silly things. I fall down and run into things. I talk to inanimate objects. I'll hold a pickup stick to my ear and say, What? What's that? I can't hear you

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Hold
Pickup
Hear
Inanimate
Talk
Stick
Fall
Sticks
Running
Silly
Things
Ears
Think
Thinking
Objects

More quotes by Stephen Colbert

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The beauty of new media is that no evidence is necessary. The brave blog-troopers have stormed the cockpit of news, and wrestled the joystick of authority away from the seasoned pilots of the press who would land our country at the Facts International Airport.
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Thinking that other people might be better than you is what makes you Canadian, not American.
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You CAN make an omelette without breaking eggs. It's just a really bad omelette.
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I'm a huge news junkie. I love what the news does.
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In the beginning, a monkey evolutioned gay marriage.
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I'm livin' high on the hog, and let me tell you, hogs make a terrible foundation.
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I can't be gay! I'm a happily married conservative, just like Ted Haggard and Larry Craig.
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There's nothing wrong with being gay. I have plenty of friends who are going to hell.
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I actually do not think that's how what's happening to our government is going to be stopped. I think people who are willing to be civically engaged and believe in the promises and the progress of the last fifty years that will save this country.
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I've said it a million times: Romance languages lead to premarital sex.
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If our Founding Fathers wanted us to care about the rest of the world, they wouldn't have declared their independence from it.
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We claim no respectability. There's no status I would not surrender for a joke. So we don't have to defend anything.
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A father has to be a provider, a teacher, a role model, but most importantly, a distant authority figure who can never be pleased. Otherwise, how will children ever understand the concept of God?
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Don't cry over spilled milk-- get angry and punch a cow.
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Internet users, that blue screen of death you were looking at this morning? That's the sky. If you're still confused, look it up on Wikipedia tomorrow.
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Can't wait for tomorrow when I get to exercise my patriotic duty as an American: Complaining about how long it's taking to VOTE.
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I hadn't intended to end up there. I meant to be a serious actor with a beard who wore a lot of black and wanted to share his misery with you.
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Truthiness is What I say is right, and [nothing] anyone else says could possibly be true. It's not only that I feel it to be true, but that I feel it to be true. There's not only an emotional quality, but there's a selfish quality.
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I've long been against illegal aliens, partly because they distract us from an even bigger threat: real aliens.
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Made no mistake: America is a Christian nation. The bedrock of our theo-democracy is our Judeo-Christian values. that term, by the way, is a bit of a misnomer. It implies that Christianity and Judaism are equal.
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