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Mentioning Jesus in your speech: Small government. Doing what Jesus asked: Big government.

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Bigs
Government
Mentioning
Speech
Asked
Small
Jesus

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My mom kind of led me toward acting. She wanted to be an actress when she was younger. That made me interested in it when I was a kid, because she and I are very close.
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I must confess that I've never trusted the Web. I've always seen it as a coward's tool. Where does it live? How do you hold it personally responsible? Can you put a distributed network of fiber-optic cable on notice? And is it male or female? In other words, can I challenge it to a fight?
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Ignorance is bliss. Oedipus ruined a great sex life by asking too many questions.
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I imagined myself living in New York in some sort of open, large but sparse studio apartment with a lot of blond wood and a futon on the floor and a bubbling samovar of tea in the background and a big beard - living alone but with my beard - and doing theater. That's what I thought my life would be.
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I teach Sunday school, motherf*****.
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Give a man a suicide bomb, he blows up once. Teach a man to suicide bomb, he also blows up once.
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I believe all God's creatures have a soul... except bears, bears are Godless killing machines!
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You don't look up truthiness in a book, you look it up in your gut.
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If I had a dime for everytime that I was wrong, I'd be broke.
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Cameras are dangerous. With no waiting period or background check, any whack-job could just stroll into a Wal-Mart and walk out with a semi-automatic. Now, for years I've been pressing for stricter regulations on cameras, especially around our elected officials. Too many political lives have been cut short by some crazed shooter.
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I don't accept the status quo. I do accept Visa, MasterCard, or American Express.
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Atheism, a religion dedicated to its own sense of smug superiority.
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Life is an improvisation. You have no idea what's going to happen next and you are mostly just making things up as you go along.
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(Rush are) like the JD Salinger of Canadian Prog Rock
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Contraception leads to more babies being born out of wedlock, like fire extinguishers lead to more fires.
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It's the way our founding fathers would have wanted it, if they had founded corporations instead of just a country.
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I've been accused of being unambitious, but what I do takes up every minute. I'm executive producer, I'm a writer and the host.
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This is America. I don't want a tomato picked by a Mexican. I want it picked by an American, then sliced by a Guatemalan and served by a Venezuelan in a spa where a Chilean gives me a Brazilian.
Stephen Colbert
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Will Herman Cain become the first black President that I acknowledge? I call him a dark horse because he's an unlikely candidate who surged forward, and not because he's a horse.
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Wikipedia is the first place I go when I'm looking for knowledge... or when I want to create some.
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