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Mentioning Jesus in your speech: Small government. Doing what Jesus asked: Big government.

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Bigs
Government
Mentioning
Speech
Asked
Small
Jesus

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If Jesus doesn't have a sense of humor, I am in huge trouble.
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I could sit toe to toe at a potato table with anybody.
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When meeting royalty, it is very important, no matter how excited you are, not to vomit on them. Instead, vomit on the nearest commoner.
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It warps the minds of our children and weakens the resolve of our allies.
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All Dogs Go To Heaven? Sorry, kids. It's only the dogs who've accepted Christ.
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Contraception leads to more babies being born out of wedlock, like fire extinguishers lead to more fires.
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Anyone can read the news to you. I promise to feel the news at you.
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I believe that the government that governs best is a government that governs least, and by these standards we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq.
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When I read books it's to escape. It's so I don't have to talk to people.
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I imagined myself living in New York in some sort of open, large but sparse studio apartment with a lot of blond wood and a futon on the floor and a bubbling samovar of tea in the background and a big beard - living alone but with my beard - and doing theater. That's what I thought my life would be.
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The lead singer of Creed says he won’t endorse President Obama. Well that settles it -- Obama will not win the 1998 presidential election.
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I've got butterflies in my stomach... because I ate a cocoon quesadilla!
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Some say, 'Those who ignore history are doomed to repeat it.' I say, 'Those who ignore history are in for a big surprise.'
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After obsessively Googling symptoms for four hours, I discovered 'obsessively Googling symptoms' is a symptom of hypochondria.
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I'm an actor. I hate to blow everyone's illusions.
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NASA scientists have discovered a new form of life, unfortunately, it won't date them either.
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Writing and producing the show is an intellectual process. Performing the show is far more athletic and intuitive, because you don't get to do it twice. It helps if you've done whatever the old saw is, 10,000 hours of it. Because I've done 10,000 hours of comedy, I have this database in my mind of what works and what doesn't work.
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If God wanted us to accept gays, he'd have made us compassionate
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