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If Obama can force you to get health insurance just by calling it a tax, than there is nothing to stop him from making you gay marry an illegal immigrant wearing a condom on a hydroponic pot farm powered by solar energy.
Stephen Colbert
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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Force
Illegal
Immigrant
Making
Wearing
Solar
Energy
Gay
Farm
Nothing
Obama
Pot
Calling
Insurance
Taxes
Farms
Health
Marry
Powered
Stop
Immigrants
Condom
More quotes by Stephen Colbert
My character is self-important, poorly informed, well-intentioned but an idiot. So we said, `Let's give him a promotion.'
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So if animals aren't our friends, then what are they? The answer can be summed up between two buns.
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If Jesus doesn't have a sense of humor, I am in huge trouble.
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Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.
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The skinnification of America's jeanscape has gone too far.
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When I read books it's to escape. It's so I don't have to talk to people.
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I am no fan of books.
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This is America. I don't want a tomato picked by a Mexican. I want it picked by an American, then sliced by a Guatemalan and served by a Venezuelan in a spa where a Chilean gives me a Brazilian.
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I'm getting angry at liberals.
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Clearly, America has no shortage of metaphorical opportunities for the poor.
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I don't think anybody can with a straight face say that the Russians did not set out to influence our election, and they did so.
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Texas governor Rick Perry has been in the race only three days, and he's already blowing away the competition like it is a trespassing coyote.
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Truthiness is What I say is right, and [nothing] anyone else says could possibly be true. It's not only that I feel it to be true, but that I feel it to be true. There's not only an emotional quality, but there's a selfish quality.
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Charles Darwin got totally hammered, woke up next to a monkey and decided he had to come up with a theory to make it all okay.
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If Germans are happy it means everyone else is miserable.
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New study reveals men like to cuddle. Another study reveals men will say anything to get into bed with a woman.
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I love the Internet, and the Internet loves me back. Why else would it offer me so much sex?
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No matter how you were born, no matter how you identify, I want to be clear that I would be proud to grind you up and eat you.
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Yes, President Romney will not take God off our coins. And that is so important because right now, just like God, the value of our currency really has to be taken on faith.
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Warmth is to sun, as truth is to me.
Stephen Colbert
