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Sure, integrating schools may sound benign. But whats the use of living in a gated community if my kids go to school and get poor all over them?
Stephen Colbert
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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
School
Schools
May
Sure
Community
Poor
Sound
Gated
Living
Whats
Use
Integrating
Kids
Benign
More quotes by Stephen Colbert
If Obama can force you to get health insurance just by calling it a tax, than there is nothing to stop him from making you gay marry an illegal immigrant wearing a condom on a hydroponic pot farm powered by solar energy.
Stephen Colbert
It warps the minds of our children and weakens the resolve of our allies.
Stephen Colbert
Scientists have invented a new strain of cannabis without the high. They celebrated with non-alcoholic beer and furious dry-humping.
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Never throw caution to the wind. It could whip back into your eyes and blind you.
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I began my day as I often begin my days, by checking Donald Trump's Twitter feed to see how far the crazy has spread. And today, I really think he's off his meds, because today he went from crazy to cruel.
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I actually do not think that's how what's happening to our government is going to be stopped. I think people who are willing to be civically engaged and believe in the promises and the progress of the last fifty years that will save this country.
Stephen Colbert
Protect yourself from Muslim vampires by making your neck non-halal.
Stephen Colbert
Why would we go to war on women? They don't have any oil.
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Other people's deconstruction of your motivations doesn't help you do what you do. You can't swallow and think about swallowing at the same time.
Stephen Colbert
What I rediscovered was the therapeutic nature of singing lessons. They're like doing yoga but for [the] inside of your body. You open up and use muscles that you don't think of as malleable.
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I'm getting angry at liberals.
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Warmth is to sun, as truth is to me.
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If you use big words, no one will know you aren't doing jack squat.
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Laughter brings the swelling down on our national psyche.
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We claim no respectability. There's no status I would not surrender for a joke. So we don't have to defend anything.
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I don't think anybody can with a straight face say that the Russians did not set out to influence our election, and they did so.
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If a poor family falls on hard times in the woods, and no one is around to care, did it really happen?
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Summer movie idea: take all the sequels that are out right now, and make movies about their backstories.
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I am down with the latest trends. And everyone knows, the thing on the streets is vampires. So I have been biting people on the neck.
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You are about to start the greatest improvisation of all. With no script. No idea what's going to happen, often with people and places you have never seen before. And you are not in control. So say 'yes.' And if you're lucky, you'll find people who will say 'yes' back.
Stephen Colbert
