Quote

If you think you can lead your flock of sheeple and peeps to some glorified noodle fest on the mall, you got another thing coming, mister.

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Thinking
Flock
Malls
Peeps
Flocks
Noodle
Lead
Fest
Coming
Mister
Another
Noodles
Thing
Glorified
Think
Mall

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You have to have a passionate opinion otherwise you sound false. You end up telling the audience jokes they've already heard.
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Pissing off PETA is as easy as pie. Delicious kitten pie.
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Other people's deconstruction of your motivations doesn't help you do what you do. You can't swallow and think about swallowing at the same time.
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You CAN make an omelette without breaking eggs. It's just a really bad omelette.
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Once I'm performing the show, I think that hour show has a certain intimacy with our audience. And that intimacy is through the lens and the live audience is a witness to that, whereas the audience at home is actually the object of my efforts.
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...why were you happier when you were a kid? Because you didn't know anything. The more you know, the sadder you get.
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I'm not here to affect you politically or socially. I'm here to make you laugh. I use the news as the palette for my jokes.
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Scientists have invented a new strain of cannabis without the high. They celebrated with non-alcoholic beer and furious dry-humping.
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There's nothing more I love than McDonald's dollar menu. With just the change I find between my couch cushions, I can eat something with the nutritional value of a couch cushion.
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Naturally the U.S. trails in gold medals because every time we win one, we hand it over to the Chinese to pay off our debt.
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I'm not a fan of the facts. Facts change my opinion never does.
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