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I don't accept the status quo. I do accept Visa, MasterCard, or American Express.

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Visa
Status
Express
Accept
Accepting
American

More quotes by Stephen Colbert

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What the right-wing in the United States tries to do is undermine the press.
Stephen Colbert
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I'm not a fan of the facts. Facts change my opinion never does.
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It would be a very short pint. It would be gummy bears and matzah, and be called Chewy Jewy.
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Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Give a man a sub-prime fish loan and you're in business, buddy.
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When I read books it's to escape. It's so I don't have to talk to people.
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I may be just an empty flesh terminal reliant on technology for all my ideas, memories and relationships, but I am confident that all of that everything that makes me a unique human being is still out there somewhere, safe in a theoretical storage space owned by giant, multinational corporations.
Stephen Colbert
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Marijuana is a gateway drug that can lead to awful things, like Phish getting back together.
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All Dogs Go To Heaven? Sorry, kids. It's only the dogs who've accepted Christ.
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My character is self-important, poorly informed, well-intentioned but an idiot. So we said, `Let's give him a promotion.'
Stephen Colbert
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I've got butterflies in my stomach... because I ate a cocoon quesadilla!
Stephen Colbert
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I've long been against illegal aliens, partly because they distract us from an even bigger threat: real aliens.
Stephen Colbert
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Made no mistake: America is a Christian nation. The bedrock of our theo-democracy is our Judeo-Christian values. that term, by the way, is a bit of a misnomer. It implies that Christianity and Judaism are equal.
Stephen Colbert
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I hadn't intended to end up there. I meant to be a serious actor with a beard who wore a lot of black and wanted to share his misery with you.
Stephen Colbert
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If God wanted us to accept gays, he'd have made us compassionate
Stephen Colbert
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My brother Billy was the joke teller. My brother Jim had a really sharp, cutting wit. And the teller of long stories, that was my brother Ed. As a child, I just absorbed everything they said, and I was always in competition for the laughs.
Stephen Colbert
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I have always been a fan of reality by majority vote.
Stephen Colbert
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It's no surprise I am addicted to all the Republican presidential candidates. They are like crack -- in that they will devastate black communities.
Stephen Colbert
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Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.
Stephen Colbert
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In the beginning, a monkey evolutioned gay marriage.
Stephen Colbert
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Can't wait for tomorrow when I get to exercise my patriotic duty as an American: Complaining about how long it's taking to VOTE.
Stephen Colbert