Quote

I don't accept the status quo. I do accept Visa, MasterCard, or American Express.

Stephen Colbert

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Status
Express
Accept
Accepting
American
Visa

More quotes by Stephen Colbert

Image
I've been accused of being unambitious, but what I do takes up every minute. I'm executive producer, I'm a writer and the host.
Stephen Colbert
Image
In America, we know to ignore artists if they're serious in any way.
Stephen Colbert
Image
I love the Internet, and the Internet loves me back. Why else would it offer me so much sex?
Stephen Colbert
Image
Why would we go to war on women? They don't have any oil.
Stephen Colbert
Image
News for the godless: religion is inescapable. there has never been a human society without some form of worship. And don't point to communist societies like the Soviet Union - they worshipped blue jeans.
Stephen Colbert
Image
I began my day as I often begin my days, by checking Donald Trump's Twitter feed to see how far the crazy has spread. And today, I really think he's off his meds, because today he went from crazy to cruel.
Stephen Colbert
Image
I'm getting angry at liberals.
Stephen Colbert
Image
When my car runs out of gas, I buy a new one. I don't want to ride around with a quitter.
Stephen Colbert
Image
I could sit toe to toe at a potato table with anybody.
Stephen Colbert
Image
I've got butterflies in my stomach... because I ate a cocoon quesadilla!
Stephen Colbert
Image
Take the platypus - that is not a finished product. It is clearly still in beta.
Stephen Colbert
Image
If a poor family falls on hard times in the woods, and no one is around to care, did it really happen?
Stephen Colbert
Image
I'm obviously younger, much better looking [then Jeorge W.Bush].He didn't veto things, he didn't bring order and fiscal restraint.
Stephen Colbert
Image
After nearly 15 minutes of soul searching, I have heard the call. Nation, I will seek the office of the president of the United States. I am doing it!
Stephen Colbert
Image
It's like boxing a glacier. Enjoy that metaphor, by the way, because your grandchildren will have no idea what a glacier is.
Stephen Colbert
Image
Sir, pay no attention to the people who say the glass is half empty, because 32% means it's 2/3 empty. There's still some liquid in that glass is my point, but I wouldn't drink it. The last third is usually backwash. (Said to President Bush at the White House Correspondents Dinner)
Stephen Colbert
Image
Now we all know that Fidel Castro dressed up like Marilyn Monroe and gave JFK a case of syphilis so bad it eventually blew out the back of his head.
Stephen Colbert
Image
In order to be a top-tier candidate, I need 7.5 million dollars, and I currently have 0.0 million dollars.
Stephen Colbert
Image
Foreign newspapers: if they've got nothing to hide, how come they don't print them in English?
Stephen Colbert
Image
Sure, integrating schools may sound benign. But whats the use of living in a gated community if my kids go to school and get poor all over them?
Stephen Colbert