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Take the platypus - that is not a finished product. It is clearly still in beta.
Stephen Colbert
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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Beta
Clearly
Product
Finished
Products
Stills
Still
Take
Platypus
More quotes by Stephen Colbert
If women are breadwinners and men bring home the bacon, why do people complain about having no dough? I'm confused. Also hungry.
Stephen Colbert
We have this idea in our mind that there's a separation of church and state in America, which I think is a good thing. And we extend that to our politics. Like it's not just church and state, but it's also there's a separation of religion and politics. But of course, there - there isn't.
Stephen Colbert
North Korea is willing to go to any lengths for the whole world to honor its demands of 'Ooh, please pay attention to us.'
Stephen Colbert
Writing and producing the show is an intellectual process. Performing the show is far more athletic and intuitive, because you don't get to do it twice. It helps if you've done whatever the old saw is, 10,000 hours of it. Because I've done 10,000 hours of comedy, I have this database in my mind of what works and what doesn't work.
Stephen Colbert
...why were you happier when you were a kid? Because you didn't know anything. The more you know, the sadder you get.
Stephen Colbert
I love the Internet, and the Internet loves me back. Why else would it offer me so much sex?
Stephen Colbert
Scientists have invented a new strain of cannabis without the high. They celebrated with non-alcoholic beer and furious dry-humping.
Stephen Colbert
Equations are the devil's sentences.
Stephen Colbert
All Dogs Go To Heaven? Sorry, kids. It's only the dogs who've accepted Christ.
Stephen Colbert
The liberal Gluten-free agenda is turning our dogs lesbian.
Stephen Colbert
If our Founding Fathers wanted us to care about the rest of the world, they wouldn't have declared their independence from it.
Stephen Colbert
Like O'Rielly, we'll grab the most important word of each sentence... 'The' for example. Also, I'll say, 'I'm angry,' and the graphic will read, 'Colbert angry.
Stephen Colbert
I actually do not think that's how what's happening to our government is going to be stopped. I think people who are willing to be civically engaged and believe in the promises and the progress of the last fifty years that will save this country.
Stephen Colbert
Pain is the body's way of telling the brain it's in trouble. Similarly, confusion is the brain's way of telling the body, 'All right, buddy, drop that book.
Stephen Colbert
A mother needs to be in the home even when the kids aren’t. A messy house sends a coded message to children: “I’m not loveable. Otherwise Mother would dust.
Stephen Colbert
The fate of our country is now in the hands of people who don't think about what they want until they get right up to the register at McDonald's.
Stephen Colbert
Northwestern's alumni list is truly impressive. This university has graduated best-selling authors, Olympians, presidential candidates, Grammy winners, Peabody winners, Emmy winners, and that's just me!
Stephen Colbert
You have to have a passionate opinion otherwise you sound false. You end up telling the audience jokes they've already heard.
Stephen Colbert
Can you really put a price on annoying two religions at once?
Stephen Colbert
When the president decides something on Monday, he still believes it on Wednesday - no matter what happened Tuesday.
Stephen Colbert
